10 things you don't want to know about studying a postgrad course…

You will fight to the death for a good library spot

You mocked those postgrad students queuing before opening times with huge tomes to mark their territory, but give it a month and you’ll be there, ‘History of Western Philosophy’ in hand!

You will fall in love with your supervisor

We call it ‘Helsinki Syndrome’ (because it’s like Stockholm Syndrome but smaller and less interesting, geography students). Come the end of your time and you’ll be pining for their messy offices.

You will learn the definition of being poor

The bargain bin will be your second home, and you’ll live almost entirely on carbs (with the occasional satsuma to ward off scurvy).

25,000 words will never be enough for your the sis

“What do you mean I’ve only got 2 5,000 words to write about homoerotic themes in ‘James and the Giant Peach? I could write that on the title alone!”

Other postgrads are the enemy

They are all resource-stealing scumsuckers who always take your place in the postgraduate study room and never return that vital Foucault book when you desperately need it.

You will say your ‘PhD name’ to yourself in the mirror to get you through bad days

Head in hands – feeling totally unable to get through another redraft you’ll look up and… “It’s a great honour to meet you, Mr President. My name is Dr Samuel Spencer. Oh! You are a card, Mr Obama!”

You’ll have to lock yourself up to work so much that you’ll feel like a 12th Century monk